Monkeys, Birds and Bears, Oh My!
by alynwa
Summary: Illya and Napoleon intercept a THRUSH courier. Originally published for the Picfic Tuesday Challenge on LJ. The picture at left is the prompt.


"Napoleon! Quickly, this way!" Illya hissed just as his partner came running down the path. It was after two in the morning in Brooklyn's Prospect Park Zoo and they had waylaid a THRUSH courier and relieved him of the blueprints he had been carrying. It had been a simple, but effective plan: Illya had been disguised as a homeless bum carrying a squeegee and a spray bottle of water who approached cars stopped for the red light. Intel had been able to provide Napoleon and him with a description of the courier, the make of his car and the route they expected him to take on his way to LaGuardia Airport. With a dirty woolen cap covering his distinctive blond hair, he would dash up to cars and wave the bottle and drunkenly demand money for a window cleaning from the driver. At that time of the morning, there were very few cars so he was able to get a good look at the drivers. When he finally saw his prey, he sprayed the soapy water on the windshield and said loudly, "Gimme a quarter and I'll make her shine for you!"

As he had hoped, the enraged man started to yell at him after Illya grabbed his windshield wipers hollering, "I'll do it, gimme a minute!" The Russian had him so distracted that Napoleon was able to sneak up on the passenger side. He tapped loudly on the window with the barrel of his Walther to draw the courier's attention. His eyes bulged at the sight of a very dangerous looking Napoleon Solo pointing a gun at him. Before he could react he felt Illya's weapon against the side of his head. "Don't be a hero," Illya snarled, "just hand me the blueprints and your communicator. _Now!_"

Wordlessly, the man slid the tube of rolled up papers off the passenger seat, removed his communication device from his front jacket pocket and handed them to Illya who immediately turned and ran into Prospect Park. He looked over at Napoleon who waggled his gun silently, but the order given was understood: _Drive._

Napoleon watched the car head to the corner and turn while he held his gun discreetly at his side. After quickly perusing the area to see if the little tableau had attracted unwanted attention, he ran to catch up with his partner. "Care to bet how long it will take THRUSH to send soldiers here to search the park?" he quipped as he fell in behind the smaller man. "Section Three thinks the closest satrap to here is approximately ten minutes away. I'm betting that Courier Man won't stop at a phone booth. It will take him thirty seconds for him to tell his story, another thirty seconds for his superiors to ask questions and then another twenty seconds for them to kill him and order a posse to come after us. We've got twenty – one minutes…"

Just then the monkeys began making a huge racket which caused the other animals to awaken and add to the cacophony of sound. The two agents immediately ducked down behind shrubbery and observed four armed dirty birds walking stealthily in their direction.

"It would seem you lost your bet," the Russian commented drily. "Any ideas?"

"Actually, yeah. Follow me."

The men slinked along using the bushes and the moonless night to their advantage until they reached the polar bears' enclosure. All the commotion had awakened the four bears who were quietly pacing. Napoleon snatched the cap from Illya's head, weighted it with a rock and then threw it into the pen. The bears approached, sniffed it, lost interest and retreated back into their cave. "Perfect," he said before removing the blueprints from the tube and tossing it over the fence into the bears' space. He motioned for Illya to follow him and they moved around behind the bear enclosure and waited to see if the bait would be taken.

A few minutes later, a THRUSH soldier appeared across the way from them, rifle at the ready, searching for them. He looked in the enclosure and saw the tube. "Come!" he called to his companions, "The plans are in there!" He and another bird climbed into the pen to retrieve the tube and were immediately set upon by the bears. Their screams brought the other two running and they immediately opened fire on the animals, killing two of them instantly and sending the other animals back into the cave so they could rescue their comrades.

The UNCLE agents took advantage of the chaos and confusion to effect an escape from the park and make their way back to their vehicle. As Illya drove away he said, "I really do not wish to be there when you tell Mr. Waverly UNCLE owes the City of New York two polar bears." They could both hear police sirens heading toward the zoo.

"Well, you will be and as long as we're at it, I'll suggest that we donate a couple of monkeys, too. They turned out to be a decent alarm system."

The blond smirked. "So, they will be an UNCLE's monkeys?"

Napoleon groaned, "Don't quit your day job, Kuryakin."


End file.
